Darlings, When I started this blog I knew one of my goals was to write about mental health in order to help others going through the same thing, because the thought of another person experiencing the feelings I have felt and thinking the most difficult, unbearable thoughts that I have thought for the past three years breaks my heart in a way I can't explain. It's a different heartache I feel when I know someone is struggling and they can't talk because I know exactly how that is and trust me it's draining. Fine became part of my dictionary but with the most opposition meaning behind it and it slowly started becoming my routine and the norm to say that, revolutionising it until I mislead people into believing I was okay, and I really wasn't. But why did I say that when I was far from it? Because this society we live in stigmatises mental health so much when the worst place you could be in is inside your own head, so why doesn't it get the coverage it needs...
I was 9 years old when my self esteem started to deteriorate. Even just writing that is upsetting, I was so young yet I was struggling already. The reasoning being that I was diagnosed with scoliosis at this age. If you don't know what scoliosis is, it is a medical condition in which causes a curvature to the spine. At the beginning it was 20 degrees, I didn't suffer with much pain but my paranoia over whether it was visible to others increased along with the percentage of my spine. Back brace for 4 years and yet my spine refused to slow down. Every checkup resulted in a drastic change in the curve and it was beginning to interfere with my breathing. By the time it was 85 degrees, I was 12 and the surgery was pushed forward because it was affecting my heart. 13 years old and I was preparing for a ten hour spine surgery. Could you even imagine the fear I was having? The thoughts such as what if I am paralysed after this? What if it isn't successful? Will I have to quit danc...
Time goes so quick and it's been so long since I last wrote a blog post that I am lost on what to write... Life feels repetitive and almost like I am in a loop. Each day feels the same and it is getting harder each time. When I reflect on the past year, I have absolutely no clue how I have got through it. It's been a challenge, especially for my mental health. Also, university work has taken up so much of my life so I haven't had as much time as I would like to sit down and just ramble on my blog. It's all been very tough but I know I am not the only one. I wanted to write this post to talk about something that has really hit me hard and what I have been struggling to come to terms with and process. On the 8th of March 2021, my beautiful great-nanny pix passed away after years of suffering from Alzheimers. My heart is broken and I am still trying to heal but it's been so difficult I can't even begin to explain. She was a fighter and I will always admire her for...
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